I'd Really Like To Thank:

I'd Really Like To Thank Flipper The Flapper, 
Who'd saved me in the Crapper.
Now, (Quote) "My chest is hard and Brown" (Quote End), 

Not to mention my HEAD wich's on every tounge on the Red Carpet.
Who plays the Piano?
(Audience Laughs) 
On my way over here; A Hooker took a Crap on my Chest.
(Audience's dead silent...)  
And; The Oscar Goes To:
Mr.POTATOHEAD!!!!
(Audience Riots!)

Singalong:
Consider yourself
Potato- Per-son 
Consider Yourself
On of the uh-ah-uh-aah
Consider Your-mm
aaaa-uuah-mm-oh

Truth serum has no business at an 
Oscar- Ceremony no what so ever 
Bali-Hai-tra-la-la
Say you say me
(Gets up from the chair and sings next verse strolling around the stage; shaking hands with the public sand soforth....) 
Say we're tohether
that's the way it should be.
(Dancing Sequence)
Tra-la-LA-lala-la-la-LA-LAAA
Tra-La-la-lala-lala-lommm.
(Dancers does "Baryshnikov- Kicks" across the stage!)
SAY YOUUU SAY MEEE
SAY THAT WE'RE AAA-L-WAAYYS
UM-TI-DUM 
*Fine*  

(Standing Ovations) 
  AND NOW; Ladys, Potatos and Gentlemen;
BEST Foreign.... "ZAP!!!"